在哥斯大黎加UWC就讀的Sophie在第一學期結束後對於校內風氣與活動的評論與自己的反思。

This is a reflection on the four months I spent in UWCCR. I am going to start with the good parts.

My favorite thing about UWCCR is the field trips. I’ve been on ten big and small field trips sponsored by the school this semester. They ranged from planting trees in mountains, to visiting a nearby animal sanctuary, to exploring cultural markets in downtown San Jose. The field trips were not only entertaining, they also served as an opportunity for students to explore different parts of Costa Rica from different angles and to try out different activities. I am not going to dive into what we did on the trips, but UWCCR really put a lot of effort into organizing the trips and they were all very fulfilling as well. I tried to join as many trips as possible because one of the biggest thing about studying abroad for me is the opportunity to explore a different culture thoroughly, the field trips did that!

Another cool thing about UWCCR is the biodiversity on campus. You can spot so many different creatures on campus, from the cats and raccoons that are kind of everywhere to leafcutter ants, iguanas, armadillos, humming birds and all sorts of other birds and plants. The biology teachers of our school are very into the ecosystem so they organize bird watching tours around the campus from time to time, which I found really interesting

Now the parts I don’t like.

I don’t recommend UWCCR to students who prioritize the academics.

A lot of classes are very heavily based on class discussions and student-led presentations. Having class discussions FROM TIME TO TIME is enriching. It is fulfilling to learn what is happening in different parts of the world. But when class discussions are done in so many classes and subjects, the “textbook knowledge” gets neglected. I feel like a discussion based class is kind of an ideology at this school. The first problem with it is that a lot of the students and teachers are very very liberal, so the discussions are very one-sided. More conservative ideas don’t feel welcomed. The discussions are usually biased and not very open. I believe to have productive and un-biased discussions there need to be people with diverse standpoints and the teachers especially should take the middle stand and guide the discussion with as little bias as possible. I really value knowledge, and love pursuing new knowledge. However, most of the time from class discussions students learn the opinions of their classmates, what they think, how they feel, but those are not actual, practical “knowledge”. It is also difficult to learn the actual “subject” or class content from class discussions or presentations of classmates because they are also students who are trying to study the same subject you are studying. This brings us to our next point, some classes are also heavily based on class presentations. Presentation skills could be useful but learning from classmates’ presentations is very ineffective. Because students are not very familiar with the subject itself, class presentations sometimes contain misinformation and are not clear and easy to understand (sometimes it’s due to students’ accent and pronunciation). Most of the time when students are presenting on stage the classmates below are distracted and working on their own devices. I love learning but class discussions and presentations are not the best approach. In some classes, students also complain about the lessons being “disorganized”. Sometimes the teachers would teach one chapter and skip the other or ask students to study on their own in class. I prefer it when the teachers “teach” because I want to learn from the teachers. I want to learn not just the IB curriculum but also the field works they did, the knowledge they learned from their past teachers, and their own studies. I feel like I am spending a lot of time studying on my own after school because I am not learning very effectively in class, and because of that the classes feel like a waste of time sometimes. However, there are still plenty of students who like the teaching style here, so it really depends on the individual. I personally value learning the academic knowledge a lot so the UWC or IB style of teaching is not for me.

There are also some other aspects of my UWCCR life that I thought I should mention.

The first part is stress. I personally didn’t experience much stress until the last few weeks of school, around the time of midterms and finals. A lot of class projects and essays were due around the time of midterms and finals, and the IB exams were not the easiest. To do well on the science and math exams you really have to understand and be familiar with the concepts you learn in class because a lot of the problems on the exam require you to combine different concepts or apply the concepts in various ways. You really have to think creatively to solve those problems. There are no standard question types, so practicing a certain types of questions and memorizing the solutions don’t work. I spent a lot of time reviewing for my exams. The business was what brought me the most stress but it’s temporary, so just had to get it over with I believe not having a language barrier makes UWC a lot easier for me. I also did AP in my sophomore year so the workload didn’t catch me too off guard.

This is probably a UWCCR thing because it’s the school with the most Latin American population. Some people have complained about how the Latinos tend to stick together and exclude non-Latinos. The Latin Americans do indeed stick together but so do other ethnic groups and I have encountered some Latin Americans that are friendly and welcoming. The Latin Americans mostly speak Spanish among each other so to people that don’t understand Spanish it’s impossible to follow the conversations. However some of them do switch to English when there are non-Spanish speakers around or some translate for the non-Spanish speaker when the group is having a conversation in Spanish. I think the main thing is about finding the right people that are willing to speak English and include the non-Spanish speaker in the conversation.

In terms of social life, I am not a people-person. Real long lasting friendships are not my priority at the moment. I don’t want to have a conversation just for fun, I want to learn about different cultures or broaden my horizons from the conversations I have with others. But most of the time people would still rather have “normal” and “fun” conversations about their day, and gossip. There are also a lot of very talented and extraordinary people who’ve done really cool things. In fact, I believe everyone on campus has something very special about them, like everyone has their own secret super power. Yet on campus they all look like “normal” and “average” people. They don’t really talk about the projects they are working on or the cool things they are doing, so you can’t have this talent exchange or knowledge exchange conversation with many students. It’s just not what people usually talk about in conversations. People do share about their cultures from time to time though, so throughout this one semester I’ve still learned plenty about different cultures.

I’ve still yet to have this big confrontation of self doubt or an enlightenment on my values and goals like many UWC students have had. I am still pretty lost on what I want to do in the future career wise, but I have some idea on what I value and what I want for myself so I just hope I am heading in the right direction and making the right decisions, taking everything step by step.

【AC Term 1 Reflection.】

在英國UWC Atlantic College 就讀的Sophia在第一學期結束後所抒發的反思與自我成長。

-

“Do what makes you happy.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

-

文中Sophia深入的談論著自己在UWC Atlantic College就讀中的成長與充實的生活。

正文：

Note:

I’m trying something a bit different with this reflection — something more train of thought, more intimate. Trying to finish this on the flight home. It’s not the most well written, and will probably be updated in the future, but I’m following the one thing I’ve heard a lot this term — Do what makes you happy. I’m actually motivated to write this one, so let’s see how it goes :))

(P.S: If you want any of the photos taken down, please DM me :))

Dawn from above the clouds, over Hong Kong (roughly)

Before this term at AC, I’d have classified myself as a total introvert. I never craved company. I feel like this changed this term. I’ve met people who I genuinely enjoy being with, who I am willing to put effort into maintaining relationships with. As I’m writing this on the plane back to Taiwan, I miss them already, and we’ve only been apart for less than a week. For privacy and the sake of ease, I’m not going to name anyone, but I trust they know who they are :)

I am so lucky to have met the coolest people. People that I feel comfortable around, who I feel like myself with, who I know I can go to without (uncalled for) judgement. People I can rant to and feel listened to (thank you everyone for putting up with me). People who start the most interesting conversations at 11pm when we’ve both said “we’re going to sleep early tonight”, but never do. People who I feel safe with, and who I can truly be me around. It’s liberating.

(Some of) the breakfast table crew — photo credits: May

For me, being in silence alone is almost unbearable now, which is surprising given that I spent most of my time last year hidden from the world inside a bed curtain. I’ve gotten so familiar with the 7pm trek down the hill to PK (another boarding house, closest to the castle) that I can do it in the dark.

Kinda unrelated to the text, but photo from UWC day (SJYC gang —the first ppl I knew before coming to campus :))

I’ve also seen the coolest sights this term. Im pretty sure that I’ve said the phrase “I’ve only seen this in movies” well over 20 times — walking out of the house and seeing the grass fully frozen over, picturesque sunsets, the seafront that just keeps giving…

I think I took this photo on the 3rd night on campus, from a bench right outside the castle, at 10:30pm. Something about the smudge of steam just feels surreal.

Seafront

Frosted grass along the M4

It’s only been one term, but I’ve realized I will actually miss this place, these people. I wish time would go slower… The cruel thing about AC is that it’s only 2 years. You spend term 1 settling in, then suddenly half your time with second years is gone. I already know I’m going to miss my second years so much. They have become my older siblings, parents, mentors, friends, giving me love, guidance, talking sense into me when necessary. Shoutout to you all. (Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to reach the bar they’ve set when I get my firsties next year. )

Still love this photo so much — taken at 12:26am, the night before UWC day, a full day of events.

The biggest misconception I had about AC, was that everyone was extremely 「現充」. 「現充」is a slang term we use in Taiwan that doesn’t quite translate, but it roughly is used to describe people that “live their life to extreme fulfillment”, filling every hour with an event, party, commitment, etc. There are certainly people who party every week (at least), are up until 2 am playing foosball in the day room… But, the most common thing I hear now is “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” My favorite early memories of the term were of Hideout, the “counterpart” to Sosh (the Friday night party on campus). Hideout has been the catalyst for trauma bonding, calligraphy, coloring, and mooncakes. There was this one night, at 10:20pm, right after Hideout, we were sitting on the grass next to the M4, ranting about life, pulling out grass while we talked. We had pulled out so much grass that there was a bald spot at our feet, and a little pile in front of us.

Something in the Orange

I have to admit, sometimes I’d get caught up in trying to “prove my place”. But, as mentioned in the opening note, I’ve realized that I should be living the AC life that makes me happy, and I think I’ve achieved this far better than I was expecting to be honest. I’ve found a group of people who fill me with so much joy to be around, I’ve (surprisingly) managed to find a half-hobby in the form of singing (which has also been a great stress reliever). The first week of term before classes started, a few of us would be in the day room, someone playing the piano, and we would sing.

Again, kinda unrelated but (one of) the really interesting graffiti pieces in our Academic blocks.

No, I’m not just letting life pass me by, I’m still involved with (in my opinion) an adequate amount of things — Choir, Well Co (Well-being Council), I did a Human Library talk, Prentis, etc. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about these in this reflection because I don’t think they’re the most relevant at this point. I’ll probably write more about them in the future. And no, I’m not doing them just for university applications.

Set up for Human Library about holding 3 (conflicting) passports.

There’s a lot of walking at AC. Living in Tice, one of the furthest boarding houses from the castle comes with its perks (Ex: having the best people, imho), but also comes with its slight disadvantages — having to budget 10 extra minutes in every morning to get to the castle (As a double humanities student, I’m walking to the castle most mornings). Recently in the winter, due to daylight savings, and Wales just being Wales, the sun is barely up when I leave the house, and almost gone by the time we leave assembly at 4. You’d think this would be depressing, and sure, I’d appreciate more sunlight sometimes, but it’s not that bad. Oftentimes, the chattering and music blasting from various speakers is enough to make up for the lack of light.

The seemingly endless M4 (the hill from my dorm to the castle)

Surprisingly, I don’t really mind the walk. Sure, sometimes it feels like it’s -7 degrees out, it’s (often) pouring rain — and more often than not I decide to just sit in the castle for 1.5 hours to avoid trekking up the hill. However, a brisk walk down the M4 isn’t so bad when the fields are blanketed with a delicate glitter of frost, or when the skies are painted the most stunning shades of pink and orange and red. Good friends also help. I’ll often take a detour, tacking on an extra 7 minutes to my route, to walk a friend back to their house — the walk is pretty enjoyable when you’ve got company.

Unedited photo of dusk — no, I’m not a photographer.

On the topic of trekking: Llantwit — whose residents deemed us “public nuisances”, but which we still love since it provides the (basic) necessities. Theoretically, there’s a bus service that runs from our campus to Llantwit. However, it runs once an hour, and is less timely than tutors at check-in (aka, not very). So, we (my friend group) often walks. Now, if you were to tell me before AC that I would be willingly walking 45 minutes (both ways) twice a month into a small town just to buy granola bars, chocolate, and (not very good) tea, I’d tell you that we aren’t living in the 20th century anymore. But now, I’d say the walks to Llantwit were definitely some of the early highlights of this term. Between someone inevitably complaining about how cold they are and the (sometimes) pouring rain, there’s music. We’re either singing, or playing someone’s Spotify playlist. If there isn’t a tune present, we’re caught up in conversation.

Tunnel framed with branches en route to Llantwit from campus — the joys of not taking the bus

My experiences, your experiences, their experiences. A 45 minute walk with no one else on the street often leads to some pretty interesting chats — “how is homophobia internalized?” “Why can’t that guy just shut up?” “Are we going the right way?” “You’ve worked for the government??” Apart from our conversations, the walk is pretty bland. Occasionally there’s the random teacher driving or cycling to campus at 10 am on a Saturday (?), a couple cows, and the most random little house about 20 minutes away from town. That house has sparked a couple remarks from us — “would you want to live there?” “No way, what if you go into cardiac arrest? The nearest hospital is 50 minutes away!”

Surprisingly, I was less homesick to go halfway across the world than I was to fly 2 hours away from home (CSC — UWC Changshu, where I attended FP last year, read my other reflections :)). Maybe it’s because I’m older now, maybe it’s because I didn’t have very high expectations. Nonetheless, I can confidently say that I feel truly loved and free at AC. By the first night, I had gotten to know my second year roommates more than I will ever know my roommates from last year. It really felt like people cared about me, and to be honest, I wasn’t expecting that at all. Whether it be finally being able to speak the language I’m comfortable with (English), or the “progressive” environment that AC tries to foster, this term was probably the first time I felt that I could really be myself without having to put on a facade. There are very few “taboo” topics amongst my friends — our late night conversations have ranged from family trauma to existential philosophy to how inefficient the NHS (UK’s National Healthcare Service) is. This has also been the first time I’ve been surrounded with people who question EVERYTHING, and I’m fully enjoying it.

Photo from Christmas dinner :))

One question that stuck with me was “Are we living in a bubble?” AC, and UWCs in general like to pride ourselves on “connecting with the community” and “making meaningful change”. Much of what UWC stands for is quite idealistic, and in my opinion, sometimes bordering on promoting a “savior complex”. I’m still not quite sure how to articulate this, that’s a topic for next term :)

I’m now 6 hours away from home, typing this on my notes app as I flick through pictures from this term. It’s been 11 hours into a 17 hour journey, and for once, I miss campus more than I miss home. This term, unlike last year at CSC , I did not have a widget on my phone counting down the days until I could go home. In Anthopology, we looked at the concept of a “chosen family”, a family not tied by blood, but equally (or even more) significant. I didn’t long for the feeling of being with my family at home because, and I know this is cliche, AC became my family and home.

• From my iPhone, 7 minutes away from TaoYuan International Airport.

【再見，永遠不是再也不見】- UWC 第四學期心得

「我飛到地球彼端，自以為走進沒有歧視和紛擾的烏托邦，才明白這樣的理想並不存在，因為每個人都不完美；但也因為最後一絲樂觀幻滅，我才不在繼續活在虛幻中，進而回頭抽絲剝繭何以造就現在的自己、看清自己在社會與人際中的角色，進而有改變的契機。」

Joyce 在加拿大UWC畢業後的深度反思。如願接受挑戰，讓生命更富色彩！

正文：

「我畢業了？我真的要離開了？」

寫完卡片、收完行李，走過住了兩年的宿舍，我望著空無一物房間，竟如此陌生，陌生到連風竄入的回音都惹得眼眶泛紅，卻又有些迷茫。

從深夜開始，每個小時走去停車場，與朋友相擁、哭泣，望著巴士絕塵而去，堅持揮手到最後看不見的一刻，走回 Dayroom 與朋友聊天，下個整點再一次，反覆了整夜。黎明時分，輪到我上車時，校園裡已空蕩得我再也不認識。坐在車上時還有些恍惚，直到轉過彎、從窗戶再也看不到任何人時，意識到明年我並沒有要再回來，眼淚才不由自主地流下，此刻世界是沉默的。

這就是世界結束的方式：
並非一聲巨響，而是一陣嗚咽。 — — 艾略特《荒原》

 

💫 叛逆的城市女孩，在荒野與冰雪中愛上自然與運動

對體力超差又容易中暑的我而言，從小上學最討厭的就是體育課，每一次老師要求的跑步圈數都是在挑戰自己，而且還得跟上同儕的步伐。即使在高中時遇到好老師，讓我逐漸不再害怕，卻仍沒有從中體會到樂趣，進而在生活中逐漸遠離運動。我從沒想過我能享受運動，直到來 Pearson 後，我才意識到自己是臺灣體能教育下的受害者。

在依山傍海的 Pearson，徜徉於自然是生活的一大部分。我們擁有得天獨厚的地理條件，可以在無風無浪的海洋上划船和潛水，也有無數的山林步道可以健行，更有各種不同地形提供海洋科學的教學，而學校的時程安排裡有一周兩次的 CAS 和 Fitness，因此我兩年間加入了 Wilderness、Kayaking、Canoeing 和 Diving，更藉各種機會嘗試溜冰和滑雪。這兩年，我把過往沒享受到的運動樂趣全都體驗回來，學到怎麼和自己的身體好好相處，更意識到運動過程的心態調適，也能幫助我在日常生活中對抗壓力，顧好心理健康。

我是個生於城市、長於城市，但討厭城市的人，即使燈紅酒綠迷眩了現實，夜夜笙歌帶來強烈感官刺激，到頭來仍有些空虛，總感覺自己在陸地上漂流，找不到自己的根，亦沒有歸屬。相對來說，自然就單純很多，沒有爾虞我詐與塵囂，因為山與海會不會批判我，只會溫柔地擁抱我，讓我靜靜地與自己相處，享受獨與天地精神往來的境界。這些時刻總讓我覺得自己真正回到「家」，彷彿在那澄澈的海洋與波粼、從林蔭間透出的熹微晨光中，我看見自己靈魂的樣貌，反璞到人類最原始的樣貌，原始、狂野、洪荒、沉靜。

感謝自然這份天賜，我才得以不迷失自己。

💫 持續尋找神的所在 — — 走進伊斯蘭教的世界

2023/03/23 ～ 2023/04/20，我完成了整整一個月的齋戒，只因為一份執念，答應了朋友要更了解伊斯蘭的執念。

Ramanda（رمضان‎）是伊斯蘭曆法中的第九個月，也是伊斯蘭教穆斯林實行齋戒的月份。根據記載，這是「真主」阿拉將《古蘭經》下降給先知穆罕默德的月份，因此對穆斯林而言，這是一年中最神聖的月份。然而，對宗教感到好奇，卻沒有成長於此背景的我，怎麼也無法明白其中的涵義，因此我決定親身體驗，試圖更加了解這份神秘的文化！

「禁食是練習自我控制的一種方式，我們可以藉此體會飢餓和口渴的痛苦，並意識到那些因為負擔不起而無法開齋、不幸的人們，因而更加感激我們所擁有的一切。此外，透過戒除不潔的活動和思想，穆斯林能夠淨化他們的靈魂，並與真主阿拉建立更牢固的聯繫。」

“Ramadan is like a rare flower that blossoms once a year and just as you begin to smell its fragrance, it disappears for another year.”

學校裡不只有我一位非穆斯林想要嘗試，而在群組中，擁有多年經驗的朋友常會提醒我們生活中的細節，比如每天晚上開齋前要先喝水和吃椰棗（Dates），才能開始吃飯，並關心我們每天缺乏食物和水的感受。我很喜歡每天晚上大家聚集在食堂，拿好食物後和大家禱告，並一起享用一天中唯一的一餐，當我看著他們因為信仰而堅定承受痛苦時，我一方面覺得很美好，一方面也懷疑若心中無神，我做這件事是否終究只有表面？

由於加拿大的緯度較高，實行時已過春分，因此禁食的白天幾乎天天都是從早上四點到晚上八點，就像在白天實行 168 斷食法。剛開始幾天，對時常忘記吃飯的我而言並不辛苦，可是因為懶得三點起床吃早餐，卻還得過著正常的生活 — — 照常上課、運動和睡眠，因為進食的目的正是要讓我們體驗飢餓的苦。然而，如同天天飢餓三十的生活，我的身體漸漸無法承受，當有意識被禁止飲食，尤其喝水時，便會更渴望獲得。但是，撐過這段陣痛期（生理期間可以恢復正常），我越來越發現飢餓可以使我更加專注，也讓腦中混亂的思緒逐漸平息；雖然自始至終，「神」之於我依然飄渺遙遠，我仍不明白我所感悟到的境界，在各種宗教裡是否能被定義或接受。但即使說不明白，我仍很享受這個過程，如果明年有機會，我會願意再嘗試一次。

💫 No pain, no gain，但不是有付出就有收穫

「繼續留在國外？還是回去念臺大？」

從北一女畢業，保留了臺大休學的學籍，看似我用兩年換得比別人多一條路的選擇，實際上我從沒把回臺灣念大學當作一個選項，因為在 UWC 看到太多的可能性，感嘆於世界之大而更激起想探索的熱情，加上認為自己還不足夠有能力回饋臺灣，所以希望能在國外繼續磨練，培養並尋找自己在社會中的角色。因此，這個答案是肯定的：我要留在國外。

時間回到開學前一個禮拜，彼時我在大雪紛飛的夜晚，掐著凌晨截止時間交出最後一份申請，心中沒有徹底釋然，而是憂喜參半，因為成績不是滿分又需要獎學金的亞裔，美國頂尖大學可不怎麼友善。

臺灣的大學申請有學測、分科測驗、特殊選材、繁星、各種保送等複雜制度，讓每個人都能選擇自己適合的管道。然而，美國大學的方式很單一，成績好是基本的，還需要各方面的課外活動，藉由文書展現（包裝）自己的優秀，以及考慮一些我們生來便無法改變的特質 — — 種族與經濟背景。如果說申請大學之路是一條馬拉松，那相比臺灣的制度，美國申請中每個人的起點差異更大，因為各種 privilege 占太高的比例了。

我意識到我自己很「中間」，永遠比上不足比下有餘，所以不會受到特殊保障，卻難以競爭過比自己更「上層」的人們，尤其我不是英文母語者，這種寫作也不是我過往習慣的模式，剖析自己的過程中也容易陷入回憶的漩渦，因此反覆思考、修改與反芻，成為地獄般的無限迴圈。接連被 EA、ED2 的學校拒絕，或者錄取卻沒有足夠的獎學金，我深受挫折，同時也不斷懷疑自己真的不夠好、不值得繼續走在夢想的道路上嗎？

所幸，依然有學校願意給予我這個機會。

最終，我拿了全額獎學金到佛羅里達大學 — — 雖然與我原本的預期落差甚大，但卻已是我擁有的選項中最好的了。這個過程讓過往升學幾乎沒有遭遇挫折的我，深刻體會到許多事並不只是努力就能達成，更需要機緣與時運，因此更能理解失敗或天生劣勢的人們的處境，也更能坦然面對生命的無奈。誠然，UWC 給予我們改變生命的機會，但我不會說它是名校的跳板，因為作為其中的一份子，我明白申請過程的重重阻礙，並不能簡單化約為一句輕鬆的「跳板」，箇中的辛酸更會加劇自己對生命的思考，因為出國留學這條路從來都不好走，社群媒體上光鮮亮麗之下，仍有無數的掙扎、踟躕、思念與自我價值低落的苦。

“I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.” — Shonda Rhimes

💫 來自靈魂深處的探問 — — 我是誰？

兩年前申請 UWC 時，我在「英文名字」那欄毫不猶豫地填上 Joyce，雖然只是小時候英文課老師隨意取的，卻是我生命中唯一擁有的英文名字。然而，在團體面試與進入 UWC 初期，身旁人以 Joyce 稱呼我時，我常會忘記要有反應，因為這個名字和我過往的生活沒有連結，我不認為它代表我；但當我逐漸習慣 UWC 的生活、習慣被稱為 Joyce 的日常後，我暑假回到臺灣卻開始忘記自己的中文名字，也不願意被如此稱呼。

          那麼，「我」到底是誰呢？

寒冷與濕熱、英文與中文、城市與自然、與人的相處模式、不同種族與宗教信仰 …… 強烈的文化差異與對比，令我深刻地感受到自己身在地球的另一端，彷彿時空錯亂闖入另一個世界。即使我不認為自己的獨特性足以代表臺灣或東亞，因為我本質上和臺灣的傳統文化與飲食十分疏離，卻因為外表、說英文的口音與種種自己也沒意識到的因素，比如內斂或謙虛，加深「外國人」對我的刻板印象。然而，當我和來自各國的朋友們聊天、意識到彼此間的差距後，便愈加羨慕作為白人、英文母語者、外向善於社交與經濟富足的 privilege，因此很長一段時間，我努力地想成為他們。我討厭過去花費大量時間在（他們眼中沒有意義的）讀書考試上的自己，討厭安靜內向沒有存在感的自己，討厭一事無成膽小懦弱的自己，因此我本就容易受環氛圍感染，又長期沉浸於此般文化，使我學會新的社交的模式，逐漸洗去身上使我自卑的元素，喜歡上習慣歐美文化、能與朋友相談甚歡徹夜瘋狂的 Joyce，所以開始否認自己的中文名字，似乎就能否認在臺灣的一切，否認我討厭的自己。

可是，每當夜幕低垂，獨自躺在床上，耳機裡放著我最愛的中文歌單，我心底明白那終究不是我，至少不是我的全部。人永遠洗去不了自己的過去，因為人的身分本就是藉由過往經歷累積而成，即使時間長短不一定對應著影響程度的深遠，但肯定不會徹底消失。現在，我傾向相信換一種語言和國家，就像換了一個身分，而中文和英文名字是它的分野，使我在不同場域與時空能表現出應然的言行舉止，本質上我之所以為我的部分並不會改變，只是我必須學會如何接受並與之共存。

我不再積極地高喊我是臺灣人，但也不否認自己受西方文化影響的事實；我並不是在「扮演 Joyce」，也不是「我就是 Joyce」，而是「我也是 Joyce」。

💫 「我不後悔，這是我目前為止生命中最快樂的兩年。」

💫 「我不後悔，這是我目前為止生命中最快樂的兩年。」

「多花這兩年的時間和錢，值得嗎？」

四年前得知 UWC，三年前開始申請，兩年前隻身一人出國，幾個月前確定申請上美國大學，我的人生在 16 歲決定準備出國那年，就再也無法平凡；而 18 歲時將這個選擇攤在陽光下、被眾人檢視，我看似就必須給出完美的答案。

這個問題困擾了我整整兩年：最初，我害怕辜負親朋好友的期待與贊助人的支持，在「努力成為被眾人肯定」的道路上步步維艱，竭盡所能爭取完美的成績、成為活動領導者、和外國人交朋友。可是好累啊，越是遇到挫折，越激發思考，才明白追求這些表面的成就並沒有太大意義；反之，我飛到地球彼端，自以為走進沒有歧視和紛擾的烏托邦，才明白這樣的理想並不存在，因為每個人都不完美；但也因為最後一絲樂觀幻滅，我才不再繼續活在虛幻中，進而回頭抽絲剝繭何以造就現在的自己、看清自己在社會與人際中的角色，進而有改變的契機。

誠然，我會有年齡焦慮，尤其暑假和臺灣同齡的朋友相聚、大家聊起大學生活時，我無法參與亦沒能共鳴；即使自信滿滿地說走在自己選擇的道路上，卻始終跌跌撞撞，總在夜深人靜時質疑自己這是何苦，待在臺灣享受椰林大道的陽光不好嗎？可是，北一女和 UWC，我一個也不想放棄。正因為有北一女三年各科老師的啟蒙、數資班菁英環境中培養出的抗壓性、眾多資源間取捨的時間管理能力，以及學測準備期間的知識儲備，才使我擁有足夠成熟的心智面對 UWC 兩年的挑戰，並能認真反思自己經歷的一切。然而，若我選擇直接進入大學，無論在臺灣或任何國家，必然不會有 UWC 的多元性；沒有這兩年的經驗，我不會看見這個世界有多豐富，我不會是現在我喜歡的我。

我要感謝 UWC 臺灣理事會、Ashlee、Lead for Taiwan，給我出走的機會；感謝支持我的朋友們及為我寫推薦信的老師，組成堅固的網接住墜落的我；感謝父母的開明與金援，讓我有足夠的資本與信心出國；感謝在 Pearson 遇見的所有人事物，讓我體驗另一種生活與快樂的方式。

以及，唯二與我同甘共苦兩年、早已是家人的臺灣人，彤和棠。

💫 Continuing……

記得剛到 UWC 的第一學期，體驗一切新事物時，常會用「第一次xxx」來計算，然而儘管從第三學期的壓力與申請地獄脫離，進入第四學期卻使一切相反：最後一次生火、最後一次 Bay jump、最後一次露營、最後一次去 Victoria、最後一次上課…… 最後一學期的無時無刻都在倒數，那些放縱無拘無束的快樂，都是過往累積的努力後的甜頭，然而時間卻殘忍地流逝，我什麼也抓不住，身心靈都無法快速消化這些情緒。

Transition Circle 時，所有人拿著蠟燭在黑夜裡，二年級和所有一年級對視。一張張種族、五官各異的臉，是整整九個月的族譜。仍有幾張臉全然陌生，可惜著沒能和他們有更深的交流，卻也知道沒必要後悔，因為重來一遍我仍不會改變原本的生活方式。穿著畢業典禮後拿到的 PCAA (Pearson College Alumni Association) 的 T-shirt，我知道我已經成為校友，但直到我從內圈踏進一年級的圈，再往後退到外圈，我才意識到這個校園不再屬於我們 Year 48，它會變成 Year 49 & 50 學弟妹們的，以後是 Year 50 & 51，可是 Year 47、46、45、44等也會一直存在…… 我還沒有習慣這個身份轉換，還不能瀟灑地揮一揮衣袖不帶走一片雲彩，所以我沒辦法準備好將蠟燭吹熄，是我太多愁善感又儀式化的執念模糊了眼前……

最後和朋友走了一遍校園，細數每個場域的回憶。最後的最後，站在 Dock 上，望向那片彼岸是家的海，孕育我成長、思念、和解和孤獨的一隅，剛巧趕上了日出的彩霞，學校也很應景地斷電斷網，一個兩年來任何重要時刻都會發生、所有人的共同回憶。離開時的天氣正好也無風雨也無晴，但我回首向來蕭瑟處，卻怎麼也沒有蘇軾那等定風波的胸懷。

我不是歸人，是個過客啊。

記得第一年學期結束前，某天晚上全校一起躺在星空下的草地上，學長姐說：「如果沒辦法概括這一年的心得，那我們用數字來感受吧！數一數你和朋友擁抱的次數、半夜交不出作業而哭的次數、多少次走到 cafe 卻只拿了蘋果就走…… 那麼，現在感覺到什麼了嗎？」滿天星斗的浪漫摻雜了些許不捨，幾聲嗚咽點綴了寂靜，像電影拉長了鏡頭，定格在失焦的身影。人生沒有盡頭，彷如重重胡同與混亂宇宙，有的只是無限的岔路。那麼，迎面而來的，是周而復始的圓，還是漸漸模糊的起點？

「再見，我的桃花源，謝謝你豐富了我的人生。」我沒有答案。迎向維多利亞港的港，我將字句揉碎，送給了海風與陽光。

因為我知道，我們終將再相遇。

2023 夏末 永遠心之所歸的維多利亞

（48.347199, -123.564452）

2023/01/08~2023/05/23

剛從哥斯大尼加UWC畢業的Kimmy總結她過去兩年的經歷。

2024年甄選已經開始！下載申請書請看置頂資訊，截止日期為10月15日。

我的室友曾經問我「如果可以，你想在ＵＷＣ待多久？」對我來說，兩年的ＵＷＣ經歷剛剛好：第一年我走出舒適圈、學習包容差異、學習跌倒之後再站起來，第二年我開始更認識自己、慢慢累積各方面的經驗、學習有自信地做出改變，在畢業的時候，ＵＷＣ已成為舒適圈的一部分，而我也準備好迎接下一個階段的挑戰。

二年級回到學校之後，雖然很開心可以和朋友們見面、迎接學弟妹，但是現實還是在前兩週就把我重重擊倒。第一週我興奮地幫忙學弟妹適應環境，盡全力地做好residence assistant 的工作，不是在和老師討論要如何鼓勵大家多參加活動、讓大家步上軌道，就是在宿舍裡和新來的學妹們聊天、消除他們緊張的感覺。同時，我也和另一位asian parent 一起準備歡迎亞洲學弟妹的活動，剛開始似乎所有事情都在軌道上慢慢運行著，但是突然加重的課業和責任讓我喘不過氣，不知道要從哪件事開始做起，一整個下午只慌亂地列出要做的事情，卻沒辦法有條不紊的處理待辦事項。

意識到自己還沒準備好，我發現停下來喘口氣可能是更好的方式。跟一年級不同的是，我學習放下戒心、學習理解並表達自己的感受，我開始尋求外部的幫助，而不是無謂的內化應該被處理的情緒。我第一次和朋友分享那些以前我覺得丟臉的事、第一次抱著一年級的室友大哭、第一次和輔導老師面談⋯⋯這些經驗不僅讓我放慢腳步檢視問題，也讓我體會到「冷靜處理情緒、向外尋求幫助」的重要性。

「唯有把自己放在第一順位，愛自己、尊重自己、了解自己之後，才有能力幫助其他需要幫助的人」參加residence assistant 訓練時，講者的這一番話，給了我很大的啟發，也是我在ＵＷＣ第二年裡學到最重要的一件事。

到了二年級下學期，身邊的一切都像是在倒數：最後一次和整個宿舍的同學們一起去海邊旅行、最後一次交化學課的實驗報告、最後一次以asian parent 的身份組織regional dinner ⋯⋯這些「最後一次」，都讓我格外珍惜最後幾個月在哥斯大黎加生活的時間。

「Be present」是最後一學期時我給自己的告誡。因為常常在反思過去、規劃未來，而無法專注在當下正在做的事情上，對我來說是我畢業前夕最想避免的事，因此我不斷提醒自已「當下」錯過了就沒有了，不管是好或不好的經驗，都要用心去體會。

如果你問我最想念ＵＷＣ哥斯大黎加的什麼，我可能會說食堂裡永遠吃不完的西瓜，隨時隨地出沒的iguanas、armadillos、和raccoons，爬上校車看星星、看日出的時光，我們親手護送到海邊剛出生的小海龜，和我一起在宿舍裡大聲唱歌跳舞的朋友⋯⋯這些在哥斯大黎加生活的日常碎片也許有一天我會忘記，但我一定會記得ＵＷＣ Costa Rica 是一個充滿驚喜感的地方，不斷地帶給我挫折和成就感、豐富我的閱歷。

剛從德國UWC畢業的Sienna寫了一首詩總結她這兩年的UWC旅程。

https://reurl.cc/DAGr6j

2024年甄選已經開始！下載申請書請看置頂資訊，截止日期為10月15日。

If beauty is hidden in plain sight then freiburg was as plain as it could be

The place taught me that love comes in different forms and shapes and often unforeseen

The journey embarked with three luggages and ended with two, as i left pieces of myself behind as many others do

Many mistake the journey as a vacation, correction, it was just pure imagination. Because they gave me the chance to imagine, what my life could be without restrictions, how much I could grow as a person, and the places i could go (a book of mariam’s)

The fights were not pretty but they were all needed, a place for confrontations including with myself, fully intended

Many highlights I cherish with much love and full gratitude, because the experience we built together had a high rough order of magnitude

Never have I been challenged intellectually as I have in a place where our teachers care, so much passion was channeling as they taught us not only to learn but to care, about the world around us and that the words we say, matters every second because we could change, the world in front of us and our future todays.

One thing to remember is that we are not a representation of our countries but a portal to see how they mold our worlds, as culture and traditions are not restrictions but an added brushstroke of art on our beautiful canvases that placed us in this destination

If home is where the heart is, then my home is nomadic. as I leave the plain and the beauty, I remember they are not static. It will change and remain in its own way, but it’ll stay forever the same in my heart as the place.

and a reminder, that we’ll be a.o.k

英國UWC的宇彤回顧過去一年的點滴和檢視自己的成長。想了解UWC跟一般高中的差別可以細讀宇彤的分享。

https://reurl.cc/WGlm6O